Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
