you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
