Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
