After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
