I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
