she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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