yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
