you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
