Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
