Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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