I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
