Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
