Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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