i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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