Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
