think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
