3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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