i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
