Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
