I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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