FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
