ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
