I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
