Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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