everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
