She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
