Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
