I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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