no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
