Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
