Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
