This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
