I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
