the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
