So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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