When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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