Will you blow on my dice?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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