I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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