Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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