Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
