so explain again why im purple
no
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
