Umm I'm too high to move.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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