Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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