we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
