Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
