I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
