is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
soo... how was my night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
