I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
only you would photoshop your dick
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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