Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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