just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
