how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
