gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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