She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
