im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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