grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
