We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
