Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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