So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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