The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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