I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
