just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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