I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
