THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I supernannyed him into submission
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
