I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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