one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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