Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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