last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
