We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
