can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
