$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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