When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I supernannyed him into submission
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
