I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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