so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
