I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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