You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
