I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
