Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
