Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
