I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
