Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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