the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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