Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.