i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
